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Familyhood Newsletter
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October 15, 2003
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Familyhood Education Foundation and Kudos For Kids
Halloween is upon us and my "perfect" grandson plans on being Dracula and my "perfect" granddaughter is going to be ghoulishly cute as well. I called her on the phone and told her that I would drive to Arizona especially to see them and actually go "trick or treating" as well. With a gleeful reply, my granddaughter (who is never at a loss for words) said.."Gramma, you could go as a pumpkin…" (Think it’s time for a diet?) I replied, "Gramma wants to be a princess.." then a long pause…"but Gramma, you would be a great pumpkin.…of course my grandson had to get into the conversation…."Gramma, you look like you are a CIRCLE... (now I am sure a diet will begin, of course, right after the holidays, who wants to be a CIRCLE or the great pumpkin?) I asked myself, why did I ever call?? I just should have shown up in my princess costume and tiara.
Great relationships are what we are about. I enjoy the fruits of a great relationship with my family for several reasons. One, I am loving; I show my love to my family. Two, I have learned not to be critical and controlling. Three, I am honest. And, four, I am fun to be with. Let’s talk about the last time you actually played with your family. I had a sweet lady call me from the East Coast. She has a wonderful 13 year old daughter, but they have a very poor relationship. This good woman is very serious, does everything by the book and her source of fun is reading. Nothing is wrong with this at all. BUT does this stiff, unemotional behavior build a good solid relationship with a vibrant, bubbly 13 year old? NO! I told her she might consider taking her daughter to the mall, go to a movie, tell her that she loves to be with her, listen to her, then listen some more. Relax and enjoy her. I am surprised at how many Moms (and Dads) do not have fun with their children. Fun is an essential aspect of life. We need to laugh more at home and with each other. Be more accepting and less critical but at the same time hold all accountable for their choices and have appropriate consequences administered. We need less anger and more joy in our homes. If parents fail to make the home the central place for joy and acceptance, believe me, there will be some of our children that will find "joy and acceptance" elsewhere, "the peer group"…….Do you want that? I hope not.
Homes need to be safe, safe to make mistakes, safe to express thoughts and concerns, safe to "hang out.." and safe from abuse. What type of home are you building? Is it a safe haven or a place to escape from? My mother used to drill into me that a home has to be the best place to be... and this has nothing to do with money. I have some great friends in Hawaii where I used to live. They are Filipino immigrants. They had 7 children, money was always tight. But the Dad was handy at making things which included building tables and shelves. He would gather his sons around him and teach them life skills while having fun conversations with them; they would build and laugh together. After nearly 30 years, I just visited this great family last August, and the family was still tight, strong and full of laughter. These sons have grown up, married and now bring their children to see Grandpa and listen to the "old stories"….what a great tradition and it did not cost a dime. We, as a society are caught up in popular trends. We should be caught up in creating a wonderful environment for ourselves and our families……in the home. "Where your heart is, that is where your treasure is.." Ask: What do I treasure? Why do I treasure what I do? Am I focused on the trends of the world or what is best for the family?
We are under great pressure as a society to dismantle the family unit. What do you think about that? Look around and see the fruits of those who dismantle the family unit. Are they any happier or freer? For myself, I value my family more than any riches of this world... they are my true treasures... what are yours?
For those of you that have our complete parenting program, I invite you to re-listen to the last 8 CDs (or tapes) on Family Systems... learn to create the type of environment in your home that will bring to it peace, fun, skills and responsibility. Remember, we are that we might have joy.. The joy comes when we change and face challenges. You can do this, you can be all that you desire to be, but it does not come in a day…it comes during a life time of living through trial and error, ups and downs, happy and sad times, doing what is right when it’s inconvenient and lastly "hanging in there.." then comes the dawn, a new day, a new day of joy...
Please feel free to call me. We love to hear from you. Let us know how you are doing with the program and the Kudos For Kids "game"
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